A Question for the Ages

The meaning of life?  The secret to a long, healthy life?  The location of el Dorado?  Nope.  All I want to know is:

When the hell is green stuff going to stop squirting out of my a--?!?!

Anyone?  Anyone?  Silence.  Oh wait, not silence, another barrage of green, hazy gas from my rearend that causes my (now feeling fine) seven yr old to say "your butt is going wild, Mommy!"  Hahahahaha, hilarious!

Not.

Really, how long can I squirt out diluted split pea soup?  Especially since I haven't had any in months.

Ah, but this is all a pathetic diversion from today's REAL issue, which is: When the *&^(*&^$&* are we going to get home?

Hello, Winter Weather Advisory.  Good bye, Happy, Quick Jaunt Home and a nice reasonable bedtime at home, sweet, home.

Colorado has had virtually no snow this year. By virtually no snow, I mean that when I lived here twenty years ago, the base at the end of the season was over 300 inches. When we checked in Feb 15, it was 33 inches. But guess who's getting snow? No, no, no, not Edwardsville (well, yes, but we'll deal with that later). That's right, Colorado. Keystone itself is suposed to get at least six inches. Which rocks! If you love skiing and don't wish you were dead because of how horrible you feel from being sick and want nothing more in the universe than to go home.

And even IF our flight were to leave on time (HAHAHAHA, there are already flight delays in Denver!), apparently this same storm is due to hit St Louis. So maybe we get diverted to...oh, I don't know, Oklahoma City and end up sleeping on the floor in an airport!

I. CANNOT. DEAL.

Do we stay and "enjoy" the snow? Do we try to get to Denver just in case we can get on a flight? Do we risk the worst travel story on the news as my husband and other son finally succumb to this O'Koniewski flu epidemic as we crash with a sea of people in an airport?

Calgon, take me away.  Please, Satan, take me away. There's not much I wouldn't do right now to JUST GET HOME.  Actually, doesn't Satan owe me?  He's already had his way with me by releasing an army of demon spawned virus particles into my digetive system!

Do you know how many times today I've said "We're inside 24 hours! Smiles!" Oh, there's that dramatic irony again.   Screw you, dramatic irony.