Ahhhhhhh.

Illness, gone.

Homeward journey, complete.

Fake happy photo, below.

2013

I'd love to say that smile is real because I'm finally getting to ski with my whole family.

But, really, I have no business being up there on that summit.  I am shivering, my fingers are already numb, my toes hurt and my intestines are performing some kind of strength training exercises that really hurt.

I am grimacing.  Mike wanted us all to take off our goggles, but I was sure the camera would capture my tears, so I didn't.




Kevin's not real sure how much more skiing he has in him either.  Turns out, not much.  When we got to the bottom, he cried until we found a wagon for him to ride in back to the condo.

Which lead to this photo...


















As I said, we're home.  We flew out of Denver Thursday afternoon, knowing we'd be spending the night in Oklahoma City.  We have really good friends who live in Bison, Oklahoma, so before take-off, we called them to see if they wanted to drive down to OKC.  What was amazing, was that they happened to be OKC picking up another friend from the airport!  They waited for us and we all went out to dinner.  It was truly awesome to turn the travel delay into something so nice.

First thing this morning, wait, at 4:30 am, which is NOT morning, but practically the middle of the night, we got up and headed to the airport.  We got home to St Louis safe and sound to find an amazing sight.  Snow!

The kids have been outside almost all day building forts.  My family is so crazy about snow that my oldest child, Mike, flagged down the bulldozer that was clearing the streets and asked him to dump EXTRA snow in our yard.

 

PS: That day that I said I was going to sew?  Yeah, that never happened.

A Question for the Ages

The meaning of life?  The secret to a long, healthy life?  The location of el Dorado?  Nope.  All I want to know is:

When the hell is green stuff going to stop squirting out of my a--?!?!

Anyone?  Anyone?  Silence.  Oh wait, not silence, another barrage of green, hazy gas from my rearend that causes my (now feeling fine) seven yr old to say "your butt is going wild, Mommy!"  Hahahahaha, hilarious!

Not.

Really, how long can I squirt out diluted split pea soup?  Especially since I haven't had any in months.

Ah, but this is all a pathetic diversion from today's REAL issue, which is: When the *&^(*&^$&* are we going to get home?

Hello, Winter Weather Advisory.  Good bye, Happy, Quick Jaunt Home and a nice reasonable bedtime at home, sweet, home.

Colorado has had virtually no snow this year. By virtually no snow, I mean that when I lived here twenty years ago, the base at the end of the season was over 300 inches. When we checked in Feb 15, it was 33 inches. But guess who's getting snow? No, no, no, not Edwardsville (well, yes, but we'll deal with that later). That's right, Colorado. Keystone itself is suposed to get at least six inches. Which rocks! If you love skiing and don't wish you were dead because of how horrible you feel from being sick and want nothing more in the universe than to go home.

And even IF our flight were to leave on time (HAHAHAHA, there are already flight delays in Denver!), apparently this same storm is due to hit St Louis. So maybe we get diverted to...oh, I don't know, Oklahoma City and end up sleeping on the floor in an airport!

I. CANNOT. DEAL.

Do we stay and "enjoy" the snow? Do we try to get to Denver just in case we can get on a flight? Do we risk the worst travel story on the news as my husband and other son finally succumb to this O'Koniewski flu epidemic as we crash with a sea of people in an airport?

Calgon, take me away.  Please, Satan, take me away. There's not much I wouldn't do right now to JUST GET HOME.  Actually, doesn't Satan owe me?  He's already had his way with me by releasing an army of demon spawned virus particles into my digetive system!

Do you know how many times today I've said "We're inside 24 hours! Smiles!" Oh, there's that dramatic irony again.   Screw you, dramatic irony.

 

 

Fetus or Gas?

Which moves more, a fetus or the gas I am currently suffering through?  I swear, my fetuses didn't move this much when I was almost ten months pregnant!  What the?

There's this game my kids play on the Wii with two little tanks.  It plays this funny little whistled tune while the tanks move around and fire at each other.  That is what my digestive system feels like right now.  Two little tanks maveuvering around in there, stopping frequently to make things blow up.

And the smell.  What.  The.  Hell.  Is this what brimstone smells like?  Seriously, what biolgocial weapons grade experiments are going on down there?  And how many have to suffer because of it?  It's 30 F outside and I have the window and doors open in this condo to clear the green haze out of the air!

How much longer can this go on?!

Every Single Day of My Vacation...

Has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that I'm on vacation, that's the worst day of my vacation.

What about today? Is today the worst day of your vacation?

Yeah.

Wow, that's messed up.

 

Wait, hold on, Karen.  I thought it was getting better!  It was, until...

I GOT SICK TOO!

So, yeah, Kevin's feeling better and I'm feeling worse by the minute.  He's skiing and I'm trying not to move so I don't yurf all over the place.

Hey, despite my training and education in health care, my Master's in Public Health and my brief stint as none other than Henry the Hand (the hand washing hero, get your minds OUT of the gutter, people!)...my infection control measures obviously failed at some point and now I'm a roiling mess of an intestinal virus factory.  Crap.  No, wait, not yet.  That comes tomorrow.


This is Henry the Hand.  He visited St Louis grade schools to teach kids about hand washing.  Sometimes I narrated the presentation and sometimes...I got to wear this awesome costume!!!!

No, that is neither I standing next to nor inside of Henry.  Those were our pre-digital days and I have no idea where the pictures are right now.  But it reminds me that on top of everything else I need to do...I have a million old photos that need to be digitized for posterity's sake!



henrythehand.com

That Was Yesterday, This Is Today

Kevin is better, but we've been there before.  Not holding my breath, just praying, keeping him hydrated and staying on schedule with anti-emetics.  How do I know he's getting better?  Two slices of sugar toast at 3:30 am and he's been fighting with me this morning over getting to play electronics and asking why he can't ski.  As long as keeps that up, he's on the mend.

It Only Hurts When I Cry

It was livable yesterday. I kept a decent attitude yesterday. But now we are at Urgent Care (conveniently located at the base of the mountain!).  Kevin has now been stuck three times to get an IV going.  He was so good about it, he didn't need anyone to hold him down, only gripped my hand when it hurt.  He has had a hard core anti-emetic that knocked him out.  We'll see how this goes...in the meantime, is this not the saddest vacation picture ever?

 

The Ski Vacation Curse

Ah, downhill skiing.  A wonderful sport.  The scenery is gorgeous.  The whoosh down the slope is exhilarating.  The skiers are hale, hearty and a healthy weight, a refreshing change from the rampant obesity and poor health I look at everyday in my Midwest town.  A great vacation...right?

Mike and I went on a few ski trips before kids.  It was all it should be (see description above). 

     2004

2005...and I'm pregnant with Trix!

Yup, that's how Bad A__ I am, four months pregnant and yet I ski.

Then we started bringing children.  Oops.  Enter the O'Koniewski Family Ski Trip Curse.

Ski Trip One: The Stairs

Let's bring Bryan!  He was 4 or 5, time to start learning to ski.  The fact that every time he fell down and cried for five or ten minutes, telling me he couldn't possibly get up until I picked him up was pretty much a given with taking a small child skiing.  The problem was that Mike had a great tendency to be half way down the mountain and just "couldn't help." 

Then at the end of the day, it was Mom who wound up taking Bryan back to the room while Mike got in "another run or two."  Which turned into three or four.  In the meantime, I have carried Bryan's ski boots, skis, my skis and dragging him along as he whined about how tired he was. 

But here's the best part.  Mike wanted the top floor of the condo building so we'd have a great view!  So THEN I had to drag Bryan up three flights of stairs, at altitude after skiing all day and walking back to the condo.  Party on, Wayne.  That ski trip could have been a bit more enjoyable for me.

Ski Trip Two: Better

2007

The same crying kid who has fallen and can't get up, the same half way down the hill husband, the same end of day scene.  But no three flights of stairs!  The only issue this year was the in-room hot tub with a view of the mountain that Mike ensconced himself in for over an hour every night while I took care of the meal, the condo and the kid.

Ski Trip Three: The Sinus Infection

    2010

Time to bring Kevin and teach him to ski too, yay!  But days before we leave, I come down with a NASTY sinus infection.  Let me tell you how fun driving through the mountains was!  And since I'm the one that lived out there, I always drive up and down the mountain, so no drowsiness-inducing decongestants or pain killers. 

Now Kevin is on the ski harness.  (No, that isn't Kevin, I'm away from home and don't have a picture of us...)

This is a harness with long straps that a skier behind the kid holds onto so they can't get out of control and fly off the side of the trail into a tree.  But it also involves the back skier using a lot more muscle to control the speed of two skiers.  And since I'm the better skier, this "falls" to me (hilarious!).  How very appropriate for a person fighting a nasty sinus infection at altitude.  

Here's the thing; Kevin is a daredevil, so he was constantly telling me to "stop holding him back."  Which means when he does fall, it's spectacular.  And scary.  And results in a face full of snow.  And a LONG session of crying and refusing to get up and the new one: "I CAN'T ski anymore, we HAVE to WALK down!"  And now that Bryan was older and more self-sufficient, Mike and Bryan were always well down hill from us when Kevin fell.

I HATED this ski trip.

Ski Trip Four: Homework From Hell

2012

This ski trip was preceded by my girlfriends asking me what the hell I was thinking going skiing again.  Oh, really, it will be fine.  We're flying this year!  (Did I mention that every previous ski trip involved one and half days of driving each way?  No?  Oh, that makes everything more fun!)  Plus Kevin is a year older, Bryan is good at skiing and Mike knows not to leave me uphill with Kevin.  Dramatic irony, anyone?

The main issue this year was Bryan's fourth grade teacher and the copious amount of school work we brought with us.  Three text books, plus a photo-copied 17 page story and a pile of worksheets.  We did over an hour and a half on the plane ride there.  But that wasn't even the tip of the iceberg.  You know, skiing is kind of an intense activity.  And exhausting.  So it's really quite easy to get a tired 10 year old to focus on homework at the end of the day.  NOT!  Every night was miserable fighting, begging and pleading with him to get his work done.  And just a little under my breath cursing at his teacher back home.

And of course the ski day was the usual "Stop holding me back!" followed by "I've fallen and can't get up" and the insult added to injury of Mike being downhill.  To give him credit, that was only about half the time, but involved a lot of yelling on my part to achieve.

Ski Trip Five: This is the Year!

Once again, my girlfriends said "WHAT?!?!" when I said I was getting ready for the annual ski trip.  Sigh, my kids, all three of them, love it.  Bryan's teacher is cool, he only has a math test to study for.  Kevin is yet another year older and we don't need the ski harness anymore.  Mike and I had a long talk about division of duties on and off the slopes so I dont come home exhausted, wishing no one had ever invented downhill skiing.  My goal was simple: to enjoy our ski trip more than I have before.

So, guess where I am RIGHT NOW.  That's right, Keystone, Colorado.  In our condo.  Is it night time on the last day of the trip and I'm triumphantly writing about our best ski trip ever?  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

No, I'm sitting here with Kevin.  Who started expelling various materials from both ends about three and a half days ago.  About the time that our dryer died, just to add some color to the bland story I'm about to tell.  He proceeded to spike a 103 F fever and keep down nothing but a few crackers, but no liquids.  After about four hours, it seemed to be getting better.  Psych!  Finally called the doctor, who was concerned about dehydration.  So, a fun trip to the ER where I was told "he isn't that dehydrated."  My kid was laying on me staring at the wall after having hardly moved all day except to hurl.  OK.  But then they gave us the miracle drug...



Zofran






Within fifteen minutes that kid was sitting up drinking diluted apple juice and telling me about how dinosaur fossils ended up on Antarctica (because it used to be part of Pangaea).

He slept great.  His fever was gone.  No more vomiting, just a little "sharting."  Of course we stayed home from school again, just because he was still wiped out.  But I was in charge of the Valentine's Day Party in his classroom that day.  Of course he whined all day about it.  So I decided he could come with for that short hour, but not eat pizza or giant cookies.  That one hour knocked him out and he needed a long nap.

The next day was out outbound flight.  I knew he'd be wiped out and have more trouble than normal with the altitude change.  But he didn't sleep a wink on the flight.  In fact he was perky and cute and energetic.  Well, he'll certainly sleep on the over two hour drive up into the mountains.  Or not.  Maybe he'll crash right as we pull into the parking lot at Mountain Sports where we rent the kids skis and boots.  He made it long enough to fit boots, then he and I went to sit in the mini-van, where he promptly fell asleep.  OK, expected.

Not expected: when we got to the room he lay on the couch shivering so bad his teeth were chattering. 
Not expected: a 103 F fever at 9:00 pm. 
Not expected: after being symptom free for 30 hours, suddenly not wanting to eat. 
Expected: lots and lots of gas; recovering from virtually empty intestines and being in a low pressure environment
Not expected: that he would fumigate the bedroom with gas so rotten that it smelled like dead things were decomposing under the bed. The kind of gas (Fiber One Bar gas)described in hilarious and mind "blowing" detail at Fiber One Farts
Not expected: him hurling...on the coffee table, the carpet, my shoes and in the toilet

So, here we are.  Zofran on board along with half a waffle.  Mike and Bryan skiing.  Kevin laying low.  And me with time on my hands!  After I'm done with this blog entry...

I'm going to sew.  That's right, I brought sewing!  In an attempt to make this trip "better," I planned a down day for myself.  I was going to go to the spa, and/or yoga class, and/or shopping, and/or sit my ass, and/or do some hand sewing.  I have this gorgeous pillow I'm making that involves this funky, criss-cross smocking. 

(Pattern from Quilted Garden: Smocked Pillow)

It's easy and relaxing.  So I brought it with.  Little did I know I'd be doing it my first day on vacation.

Yes, you heard me.  Vacation.  Because despite the long day yesterday and longer night last night and hurling kid today...I'm relaxed!  I don't have a house to clean, a pile of paperwork on my desk sending guilt vibes my way every time I walk by, the phone ringing with the Policeman's Fund for juve d's that I have a hard time saying no to, no cello to run up to school because someone forgot it and the 9,000 other things I worry about everyday.

And now that I know Kevin's demon virus isn't done with him yet, he'll be on Zofran every six hours until we get home!